recently, the private institution in which I receive education told us to give them 5 stars on google as if they were ordering us. everyone around me posted positive comments without questioning their own opinion, they just did what they were told, like sheep. i hated this institution, which i already disliked, even more because they acted as if we had to make positive comments. they had previously advertised a private dental hospital and made it mandatory for us to attend the event. why the fuck am I being subjected to advertisements like youtube ads that cannot be passed in the place where I pay to get education. i had to spew this much hatred. I only used the account I use to play games to post a bad comment since I had many emails. then I put a heart to that comment from all the other emails. the next day 2 different teachers and the principal himself came and talked about it. it was very funny to watch since they didn't know who wrote it. today an employee of the company connected to the institution contacted me and asked me to delete the comment. since it was just a comment I posted to harm and have fun, I will keep it for a few more days and then delete it. the part up to this point was the story part, now we will look at it again from a different point of view.
I realized that I was really bad at opsec. I fucked up a lot. I just hid my name and forgot everything else. someone who knew me from there was able to guess it was me based on the way I write, the words I use, the punctuation. the word used for this analysis is “stylometry”. someone else we played the game with before was able to guess it was me based on my nickname in the game. there is also the possibility that the instructors and the manager were able to guess that it was me because i couldn't hide my anxiety while talking. anonymity isn't a big deal in this case so it's not a problem. but seriously i didn't expect to do such a bad job. this is a big hole for me to close. i need to be someone who lies without blinking an eye not only on wired but also in meatspace. otherwise i'll have to wipe out everyone who finds out my identity from this world lmao. i'll also wipe out all the rest of my internet identities except for this site.
5 or 6 years ago I tried to learn html and css as a hobby. since i was a kid i was interested in codes on a black screen. since i was just a middle school kid i got bored after a while and stopped learning. very soon after LLMs were released to the public. yet I was in middle school, people had to go through a long learning process to make a website, and before I finished high school, I was able to make my own website with very little (almost no) knowledge of html and css. at this point, I wonder if I profited from the storage in my brain by not learning html and css, or if I narrowly missed being a member of the only generation in history with html and css knowledge. now what I want to question is, if it's enough that it's our computers that have the knowledge and not us, then we're turning into beings that don't remember any knowledge but have all the knowledge. so in a way it's like god who doesn't realize that s/he's god. (suzumiya haruhi???) This raised a doubt in my mind, what if, as in the past, LLMs are introduced who have the knowledge that I know even before I finish university, then what I have learned will not matter? what is the point of learning to drive if fully automated cars will drop me wherever I want, what is the point of learning English if there are tools that will instantly translate what I speak into English? or will we turn into the obese in wall-e in the future and robots in the shape of rudders will steer the ship. I can only think of two options, the pleasure of having knowledge and creating new knowledge with the knowledge you have. If, like 90% of the people on the street, you only express with your mouth what has been implanted in your brain by others, the shitty propaganda you watch on TV, the shit that the collective consciousness shits on social media, without using your head, you become a biological imitation of an artificial intelligence. someone who doesn't understand words, who can only put them together. so all that's left is to fill the storage space in my brain with information that sounds cool to me and try to create something new with it. or learn about more ideologies and question which one makes sense, read more books and get pleasure from the words that pass through my brain, visit more museums and feel special and read more hentai :pp
i read a lot of books but i've hardly ever written anything, except for diary writing every night to keep a physical record of my brain because i have a bad memory. writing is a way of expressing yourself and i'm a total retard when it comes to expressing myself. literally. even as i'm writing this i don't think it's me writing this because i'm never a person who talks like that in daily life. (I'm usually not a talkative person) these are just the traces left in my brain by the books I've read so far. i've tried writing a few times and when i realized how bad i was i decided i needed to improve. so from now on i plan to write something at least every month. i wasn't planning to publish writings on my website because it doesn't fit my personality but i decided against it. who am i anyway? i've been thinking about going to a therapist for a while. i'd better go before i give up.