5 or 6 years ago I tried to learn html and css as a hobby. since i was a kid i was interested in codes on a black screen. since i was just a middle school kid i got bored after a while and stopped learning. very soon after LLMs were released to the public. yet I was in middle school, people had to go through a long learning process to make a website, and before I finished high school, I was able to make my own website with very little (almost no) knowledge of html and css. at this point, I wonder if I profited from the storage in my brain by not learning html and css, or if I narrowly missed being a member of the only generation in history with html and css knowledge. now what I want to question is, if it's enough that it's our computers that have the knowledge and not us, then we're turning into beings that don't remember any knowledge but have all the knowledge. so in a way it's like god who doesn't realize that s/he's god. (suzumiya haruhi???) This raised a doubt in my mind, what if, as in the past, LLMs are introduced who have the knowledge that I know even before I finish university, then what I have learned will not matter? what is the point of learning to drive if fully automated cars will drop me wherever I want, what is the point of learning English if there are tools that will instantly translate what I speak into English? or will we turn into the obese in wall-e in the future and robots in the shape of rudders will steer the ship. I can only think of two options, the pleasure of having knowledge and creating new knowledge with the knowledge you have. If, like 90% of the people on the street, you only express with your mouth what has been implanted in your brain by others, the shitty propaganda you watch on TV, the shit that the collective consciousness shits on social media, without using your head, you become a biological imitation of an artificial intelligence. someone who doesn't understand words, who can only put them together. so all that's left is to fill the storage space in my brain with information that sounds cool to me and try to create something new with it. or learn about more ideologies and question which one makes sense, read more books and get pleasure from the words that pass through my brain, visit more museums and feel special and read more hentai :pp
i read a lot of books but i've hardly ever written anything, except for diary writing every night to keep a physical record of my brain because i have a bad memory. writing is a way of expressing yourself and i'm a total retard when it comes to expressing myself. literally. even as i'm writing this i don't think it's me writing this because i'm never a person who talks like that in daily life. (I'm usually not a talkative person) these are just the traces left in my brain by the books I've read so far. i've tried writing a few times and when i realized how bad i was i decided i needed to improve. so from now on i plan to write something at least every month. i wasn't planning to publish writings on my website because it doesn't fit my personality but i decided against it. who am i anyway? i've been thinking about going to a therapist for a while. i'd better go before i give up.